Categories
107.9 KBPI South Morning Show

Happy Ending Burritos

Here are some of the major coronavirus developments that are making headlines right now . . .

  1. Coronavirus is now the third-highest cause of death in the U.S., leading to more deaths on a daily basis than heart disease and cancer. It has surpassed Alzheimer’s, strokes, chronic lung disease, and accidents.

The current official government projection of 100,000 to 240,000 American deaths would surpass World War One, the Vietnam War, the Korean War, and Desert Storm.

  1. It’s definitely looking like the government is going to officially recommend we start wearing face masks in public to try to slow the infection rate.
  2. The government’s emergency stockpile of medical equipment is almost completely gone.
  3. It feels like yesterday was one of the tamest April Fools’ Days ever, and in some countries, it wasn’t even an option . . . places like Thailand, India, and Taiwan threatened fines and JAIL TIME to people who pulled coronavirus pranks.
  4. A gas station in Cleveland, Ohio dropped its price to 69 cents a gallon this week . . . that’s the lowest gas price in the U.S. since 1978.
  5. 28 students at the University of Texas who went on a spring break trip to Mexico have now tested positive for coronavirus.
  6. A church in Louisiana held a service on Tuesday because the pastor says, quote, “The virus, we believe, is politically motivated.”

And a pastor in Pennsylvania says he’s trying to organize a “Woodstock”-style outdoor Easter service to protest stay-at-home orders.

  1. Dr. Anthony Fauci has been given a security detail after receiving death threats. He’s been a target of some right wing groups who believe he’s undermining President Trump.

Like almost everyone else these days, O.J. Simpson has watched the Netflix documentary Tiger King–and he has opinions about who the real killer is.

Simpson, himself once accused of murdering his ex-spouse, believes that Carole Baskin murdered her husband, Don Lewis, who disappeared in 1997. She has since remarried. “There’s not a shred of doubt in my mind that that lady’s husband is tiger sashimi right now,” Simpson said after a round of golf in Nevada. “I’m just saying.”

Simpson also weighed in on Baskin’s tiger sanctuary and her interested in big cats. “White people!! What’s with you and wild animals?! Leave them animals alone!” Simpson said.

Baskin’s rival Joe Exotic, the star of the Netflix documentary, is serving 22 years for hiring someone to kill her, as well as other animal-related crimes.

Is it just me, or was yesterday the most low-key, prankless April Fools’ Day of all time? I think most of us either didn’t have the mental energy to pull a gag, or just figured that we’ve all been through enough already.

But some celebrities went for it. And if you’re wondering if ANYONE was stupid or unimaginative enough to falsely claim they had the coronavirus . . . the answer is yes.

His name is Kim Jae-joong, from the K-pop duo JYJ. And after his stupidity made headlines around the world, he apologized . . . and claimed he was trying to raise AWARENESS.

Here are some less harmful celebrity April Fools’ pranks:

  1. Lil Nas X claimed he was never actually gay.
  2. Public Enemy now claims that Flavor Flav’s firing was an elaborate prank . . . and his rift with Chuck D was staged.
  3. There was a fake story going around that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West met with President Trump to get Joe Exotic from “Tiger King” out of prison. Kim and Kanye had nothing to do with the rumor, but a lot of people bought it.
  4. Someone started a rumor that Damian Lillard of the Portland Trailblazers wants to be traded to the Lakers. And he had to remind his fans what day it was.

Well here’s an excuse for speeding that no cop ever heard before this year. A 35-year-old guy in Sydney, Australia was pulled over on Monday for doing 100 miles-an-hour in his Lamborghini in a 55 mile-an-hour zone.His excuse? He told the cops he was rushing to the hospital to get tested for coronavirus.The cops gave him a fine for speeding and his license was suspended.Apparently he WAS tested, but there’s no word on whether it came back positive.

A Michigan town can rest a little easier after police finally caught a notorious flasher after 20 years of searching for him. A plague of unwanted nudity spanned more than a decade in southeast Kent County until police finally caught up with Steven Todd Pastoor, better known as the Cascade Flasher. Officials say he admitted to several dozen indecent exposures over the last 20 years. Pastoor allegedly had a routine: he kept his shirt and hat on but was naked from the waist down. He also always vanished without a trace. Police finally caught him after he made the mistake of following just one woman who had cameras at her house that caught his license plate.