Categories
107.9 KBPI South Morning Show

Speaking Moistly

For years, the word “moist” has been at the top of the annual “most hated words” list.

So, kudos to Canadian PM Justin Trudeau for using a version of the word during a MUCH watched coronavirus news conference. Trudeau was explaining new face mask guidance, which is obviously part of a serious situation.

When the PM noted about the benefits of wearing a mask that “ it can be helpful as it prevents you from “breathing or speaking moistly” on others,” he immediately cringed and said “ughh what a terrible image.”

Priceless.

Here are some of the major coronavirus developments that are making headlines right now . . .

  1. The University of Washington’s projections have improved . . . the model now “only” sees around 82,000 deaths in the U.S. from coronavirus over the next four months. The change is thanks to all the social distancing and stay-at-home orders.

The director of the CDC said, quote, “The models . . . assumed only about 50% of the American public would pay attention to the recommendations. In fact, it would seem, a large majority . . . are taking the social distancing recommendations to heart.”

So this isn’t a cue to STOP social distancing . . . if anything, it’s proof that we need to keep it up. Countries whose federal governments have enacted stricter distancing or lockdowns, like New Zealand, have done an even better job flattening their curve.

  1. The acting Navy Secretary Thomas Modly resigned yesterday after he essentially called Captain Brett Crozier, quote, “stupid” for sending a memo warning about coronavirus spreading around his aircraft carrier.
  2. Amazon is apparently going to start tracking the movement of its warehouse staff and will FIRE them if they don’t socially distance from their coworkers.
  3. Calls to the help line at the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration jumped 891% last month, indicating the crisis is taking a serious mental health toll on Americans.
  4. Just 1% of Americans now say their lives haven’t been disrupted at all by the pandemic.

Since so many of us have been stuck at home for weeks, a lot of people are probably craving the face-to-face contact of a first date right about now. But let’s not forget that first dates can be truly awful, and in case you have, folks are here to remind you.

A new thread on the anonymous Whisper app has folks sharing some truly horrifying first date stories that are bound to make you feel better about not being able to go out.

First date horror stories include:

“Not even an hour into the date he tries to shove his tongue down my throat.”
“He showed up in an awful superhero silk shirt, I ended the date after 20 minutes.”
“He kept repeating everything I said…everything.”
“We were at the movies and he grabbed my boob under his shirt.”
“He took me to dinner and his best friend showed up. I felt like the third-wheel. Then he took me to the movies where he talked the whole time. Ended with an awkward hug.”
“We saw a chick flick. Afterwards he put his head in my lap and cried.”
“I changed his flat tire that he got because he was a terrible driver.”
“He kissed me and I vomited in the bathroom. Worst. Kiss. Ever.”
“He complained that I ordered my coffee in a disposable cup rather than bringing a sustainable one. Then the only two topics he was willing to discuss was UNICEF and ‘Dead Poets Society.’”
“She ditched me on my first date for her friend and left me alone all night.”

On Monday morning, a guy robbed a bank in Castle Pines, Colorado. And somehow, during the robbery, he managed to drop his wallet. So you’re probably thinking . . . well there’s a stupid criminal who managed to get himself caught. Except that’s not how it went down. Because before the cops got there . . . someone else STOLE the wallet off the ground. So now the cops are trying to track down the wallet thief so they can use the wallet to get to the bank thief.

We told you that police in Texas had been looking for a teen who had posted on social media that she was willing to share her coronavirus. Well, they found her. Lorraine Maradiaga was arrested and charged with making terroristic threats after she posted on social media that she tested positive for COVID-19 and was “willfully spreading it.” She told officers that she does not have COVID-19 and police say they have no proof that she has tested positive. Her bond was set at $20,000 and she was taken to the Denton County Jail. She will also need to quarantine herself for 21 days after being released from jail.

The NFL draft is going to look decidedly different this year, as—rather than focusing on one screen that features walking up to a podium—it seems we may be watching several screens.

And given the multiple screens, it seems we may have multiple production teams piecing them together.

This after a report yesterday that the 2020 draft is expected to consist of a joint ESPN/NFL Network production that will be televised by both networks. And, given this will be an unprecedented broadcast, many are expecting unprecedented ratings.

The draft will commence with the Commissioner announcing the first pick, either from his home, his office, or some other isolated location. Then, ESPN’s Trey Wingo will broadcast from the network’s Bristol studios setting up the familiar faces of top draft analysts—Mel Kiper, Booger McFarland, and Louis Riddick—each of whom will also be in their homes.

They’ll give their takes on the first pick—guessing LSU QB Joe Burrow— while the first pick films his reaction on a camera provided by the league. Next could be ESPN’s Suzy Kolber interviewing the pick via video link.

And as long as we have such an intricate production staff—maybe Joe Namath will “Zoom-bomb” in asking for a kiss on yet another screen.

Hey, I’d watch that. But honestly, who am I kidding? I’ll be watching this.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *