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Peein on Escalators

January 16th is National Fig Newton Day!

Until the 19th century, many physicians were convinced that most illnesses were associated to digest problems and suggested a daily dose of biscuits and fruits. The solution? Fig rolls.

The cookies are now made in many varieties: original fig, strawberry, apple & cinnamon, sweet peach & apricot, and triple berry.

Fig Newtons, as we know them today, were created by Charles Roser.

They are characterized by their original and unique, square shape.
Fig Newton’s were originally called “Newton.” Then, after Kennedy Biscuit Company and New York Biscuit company merged, Newtons became “Fig Newtons.”

Over one-billion Fig Newtons are eaten every year.

January 16th is also National Nothing Day! Nothing Day is an “un-event” proposed in 1972 by columnist Harold Pullman Coffin and observed annually since 1973, when it was added to Chase’s Calendar of Events. It is not actually a “official holiday,” as that requires an act of Congress. But the purpose remains: to provide Americans with one National day when they can just sit without celebrating, observing or honoring anything. So there you go!

Travelers on the Mexico City subway system often blame authorities for broken-down escalators at subway stops, but Metro officials have another explanation: vast amounts of pee.

Somehow, urine is penetrating and corroding the drive wheels and mechanisms of the escalators that carry riders up from underground stations.

In a list published Tuesday, the Metro system listed “corrosion due to urine” as one of the top five causes of escalator breakdowns.

Fermin Ramirez, the system’s assistant manager for rails and facilities, said riders appear to be urinating on escalators at off-peak hours and lightly used stations, “even though it seems hard to believe.”

“When we open up escalators for maintenance, there is always urine,” Ramirez said. Most stations have no public bathroom facilities, a fact Twitter users were quick to point out, noting there are not even any pay toilets.

Of the system’s 467 escalators, 22 are out of service on any given day.

The city plans to replace about 55 escalators over the next two years.

If this news had come out in a few months, we all would’ve believed it was an April Fools’ Day joke . . . because it FEELS like something a brand would do as a prank.

Pabst Blue Ribbon just announced it’s coming out with a new, quote, “luxury” beer brand called . . . Captain Pabst.

And the first beer in the line is an IPA, of course, called Seabird.

It’s hitting stores in Chicago and Wisconsin right now. There’s no word on when they’re going to take it nationwide, or create more Captain Pabst beers.


I’m not sure people in places like Fargo, North Dakota need a reason to root for MORE snow than usual this winter, but here you go.

Busch Beer just announced a new program where they’ll be giving FREE BEER to people in seven states . . . all based on the amount of snow they get this winter.

They’re tracking the total inches of snow through the end of March in seven cities: Des Moines, Iowa . . . Grand Rapids, Michigan . . . Minneapolis, Minnesota . . . Fargo, North Dakota . . . Omaha, Nebraska . . . Buffalo, New York . . . and Green Bay, Wisconsin.

And they’ll give people in those seven states a $1 refund on Busch beer for every inch of snow. So if Minneapolis gets 20 total inches of snow over these three months, people there can get $20 back. That’ll buy you a good amount of Busch.

They are capping it at $30 total per person, though . . . so I guess root for exactly 30 inches of snow and not ONE inch more?

We all know that first dates can be totally awkward, and often times it’s very hard to start up a conversation. But while awkward questions are expected to start a conversation, some folks have experienced some truly bizarre first date questions and now they’re sharing.

A thread on the anonymous Whisper app has folks revealing the craziest questions they were asked on a first date and it makes you wonder why anyone would put themselves through that.

Crazy first date questions include:

“I went on one date with this cute guy and during the date he asked me to be exclusive. Even told me he loved me the next day.”
“When are you gonna lose all he weight?”
“(chubbier girl here) I was on a first date and he looked at my hips and said ‘you have great hips for birthing. How many kids do you desire?’”
“You’re going to have a burger? You should have a salad.”
”“During a first date the guy asked me to paint my nails red so he can suck my toes.”
“’I’m on my period, but I’d still totally have sex with you after dinner. You gonna run my red light?’ Definitely didn’t ‘run her red light’.”
“So when would you be comfortable having my baby?”
“Could you give me some money? I need to move.”
“I know we just met and I have a three-year-old, no job prospects but would you consider marrying me anyway?”

A 35-year old Spanish man was recently arrested after ramming his SUV through the wooden doors of a church so he could gain access inside, claiming it was the only place where he could take shelter from his demonic “possession.”

On January 8th, the unnamed man reportedly drove up to the large doors of the San Juan Evangelista church, in the Spanish town of Sonseca, and started ramming his Jeep into it. At first passers-by didn’t really understand what was going on, and one woman, who thought the driver had been involved in an accident, walked up to the car to see if he was alright only to be scared away by having obscenities shouted at her.

While the shocked woman fumbled with her phone trying to call the police, the angry driver started ramming his SUV into the doors of the church until he finally broke through them. He then drove though the rows of wooden benches and stopped right in front of the altar. When emergency services finally arrived on the scene, they found the anxious man next to the altar. He allegedly told them that he was possessed and that was the only place he felt safe.

The perpetrator was convinced that it was safe to leave the church, and was later taken to the hospital to be tested for alcohol and drugs. It’s not currently clear what caused his bizarre behavior, but according to several news reports, the unnamed man owns a shop that specializes in cannabis-related products, just 900 meters from the church.

I feel like when these people once agreed to donate their bodies to medical science, this is NOT what they were picturing.

A team at Colorado Mesa University’s Forensic Investigation Research Station just released the results of a study that answered an age-old question: If you dropped dead, would your cat EAT YOU?

Now . . . they didn’t PLAN to do this study. They always leave a bunch of donated corpses outside to watch how they decompose. But the study happened by accident, when two cats wandered onto their property . . . and started eating.

So, yes, your cat WOULD eat you if you died.

Well . . . probably. Even though there were more than 40 bodies, both cats just picked one and came back to eat it night after night for more than a month. So if your body doesn’t meet your cat’s picky eating needs, maybe they’d leave you alone.

The researchers also found both cats ate the ARMS first. In case you’re wondering which of your body parts is most delicious.

Here’s a nice story about a healthy marriage built on trust. There’s a guy in his 40s who lives in southern Ukraine, and he woke up recently to find one hell of a surprise . . . his wife had locked a CHASTITY BELT on his junk while he was asleep. Apparently she thought it was the only way to stop him from having affairs. He couldn’t get it off, so he went to the hospital . . . but the doctors couldn’t remove it either. They wound up bringing in an emergency crew who used a CIRCULAR SAW to slice it off. Fortunately for the guy, it was successful and it looks like he’s going to get back full use of his junk. He says he’s considering a divorce.

Since January is a big month for people filing for divorce, it’s a good time for this list of The Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Getting a Divorce.

Who gets the Peloton that’s causing the divorce?

Should I try to save my marriage the way every other guy does and bang hookers?

Will she accept the kids in exchange for the 4K TV and sound bar?

Will I miss getting laid every fifteen years?

Is there a chance I could lose the Netflix password?

Is my wife’s sister now fair game? How about her mother?

Is it wrong to agree to first try seeing a marriage counselor . . . but only if she’s smokin’ hot?

Will I get both of my nads back? Or do they also have to be split?

Good morning guys, this is Jenna, and I’m emailing you this morning because my boyfriend and I moved in together about two weeks ago and I’ve discovered that he likes to sleep in the nude every night.

I had no idea he did this until now. Sure, we’ve spent the night together before we moved in but never for more than two nights in a row and I just figured he slept naked on those occasions.

I bought him a few pairs of pajamas this past weekend, but he hasn’t put them on yet. He told me his body needs to breathe at night. I don’t know what to do, any suggestions?

How can I get him to put some clothes on at night?



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